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Basic Literature is a corporate satire blog, updated with satirical and humorous commentary on the corporate world, including career advice, management tips, business strategies and marketing tactics.
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What's Wrong With My Speech On Career Advice?

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Last week I was invited to give a speech to a group of university students on "Career Advice: Progressing Through The Corporate Ladder". Being a highly successful corporate figure, I thought this is a great opportunity to share my 'career advice'.

But I was intrigued on why my speech was ill-received by the organizers.

Take a look at my speech. Go figure.


"You have a recognized degree from the best institution. You have a formidable background as an active student. You got some experiences from the part-time job you took back then during your semester break. You have all the skills to attain success. You have everything it takes to succeed in the corporate world.


You forgot the fact that you don't have the bottom-line.


You have a recognized degree

But those subjects you took never include "The principle of back-stabbing" or "Excuse Creation Methodology". The personal development courses you took didn't cover the topic of "How to kick your boss without actually doing it" And the list of textbook you have to buy (and read, if you actually read it) never mention my Book5hit- The True Definitions of Corporate Jargons.

You're an active student

But being an active employee is different from an active student. You will not be active if you fulfill your job description.

Active employee always wonder around departments, looking for new accomplice to spread the latest rumors about their archenemies (usually: bosses, recently promoted peers). If there's nothing to spread, then the time should be spent creating one.

Of course, alternate subjects to pass on to others include your daily whining of your co-workers, disgracing your neighbors and even talking about what 'improvements' you would make if you're the company CEO.

If you don't participate in this grapevine- you're a totally passive junk.

You got experiences from the part-time job

But, as long as it's on a part-time basis, YOU WILL NEVER GET THE REAL DEAL. Corporate career needs endurance. Think of it. You have to learn how to treat your office like your neighborhood. You WILL spend almost your entire week there. Including your sleep.

And why neighborhood? Because your 'house' is going to be your cubicle. And it's smaller than your drawer, so you'll consider having room to sit as the ultimate "HR BENEFIT".

Part-time jobs will never equip you with such endurance. Without endurance, you'll never survive.

You have all the skills to attain success.

But not to fake them. Do you think promotion is all about hard-work? It's about making your boss THINK that you work hard. You don't actually impress your boss. You cheat them. You don't earn your promotion. You steal them.

I'm here not because I'm smart.

I'm here because I'm devious. And, therefore, I AM SMART."


(what's wrong with them?)

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I think you were just being honest with them about what's out in the real world. Nothing wrong with that!

I STRONGLY agree with u:

'You have a recognized degree'
YES!But still being underestimated by my Boss. She prefers those who are 'creative'in getting fast promotion. and YES,no such subject being offered!

I'm here because I'm devious. And, therefore, I AM SMART."

uhh...ZEDD.This is the truth.

Bose Speakers, people are getting killed because of the truth! In their career of course..and maybe in my case...

MrsBean, a recognized degree is completely different than a recognized skill. Please, more cheating and less working.

He..he..It's hard to accept sometimes.But we can say that, Bosses are always right-not because of their knowledge but their 'SKILLS'.

Zedd, I can see their skills from your entries!Watch out!

Is like warfare inside the office... Work smart, not hard!

@lienz, bosses are always right because of their BS. And I agree, making up BS is a skill. Watch out? Rest assured, after all these posts I made, I will watch out for lawsuits!

Marketing Deviant, couldn't agree more. Career world is a psychological warfare. Working hard will bring you nothing except fatigue.

I can't see anything wrong with it. I would rather an honest speech like yours. Because kids need to realise that the world isn't all happy and friendly. And rewarding in most cases.

Andrew...The world will always be happy and friendly. To cheaters. If we can't beat em', join 'em.

waaaa new look, new look! cantek, cantek! hikhik. especially header die. :D

Ayumi, thanks...Glad I could finally complete the design..sort of..for Firefox that is...

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