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Basic Literature is a corporate satire blog, updated with satirical and humorous commentary on the corporate world, including career advice, management tips, business strategies and marketing tactics.
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How To Not Get A Promotion

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Not Promoted

Cookie-cutters are hardly noticed. Unique personality sells.

So, how about distinguishing yourself from your co-workers? Instead of vying for promotion, you should avoid one! Here's what you can do to NOT get a promotion:

1. Demonstrate your intelligence to your boss

He surely will recognize your talent and mark you as a threat to his position. "Jeez, this guy is waay better than me!" Therefore he'll do anything to secure his limelight- including denying you a promotion which will put you into a greater position to belittle his skills.


2. Speak-up in meetings

Meetings are boring. So the only thing that will annoy the people in one is to lengthen them. An honest, professional opinion backed by concrete sheets of facts will definitely put them off from recommending to expedite your authority.


3. Build a good rapport with the top management

A good relationship with the top managements and directors is good- to increase your boss's suspicion that:

a. you're an 1diot for not adhering to the decision making chain
b. you're out there to stab his back
c. you're a better @55-kisser than he is


4. Spend less time in the pantry

...and be left in the dark on what's the best subject to praise your boss or the best source to plagiarize your report.

You will also miss out any opportunity to request your colleagues to replace you in one of your concurrent meetings, since they can make up BS and you don't know anything about them to question.


5. Plan your career ahead

So that you can be disappointed that everything you planned bar none is not working. Try ridiculously-optimistic planning so that utter rage is produced out of your disappointment.

Kicking the water dispenser or spitting on the department's door is always good to avoid any promotion.

***

Now that is what I call 'being unique'. Show some love to your cubicle. It's going to be your life partner.

You can also avoid any promotion by NOT
subscribing to my feed or NOT receiving my writings through e-mails.



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14 comments:

BizGiftGuru (aka F1Wolf)

I know some people who did not follow your advice, kept getting promoted, until they got to positions that were too much for them and got fired :-)

Listen to BlackZedd people !

Yes, spare the regrets...repent now and avoid the promotion!

Zedd,
Unique personality and skill may gain more attention from others.It is very funny to avoid promotion by using the DO NOT DO ways-seriously funny..

Instead of not getting the promotion, I think better be careful - we might be fired one day!

Sometimes promotion can be a bad thing as you get a slightly higher pay but with more work and stress. Who wants that!?

Also great advice for becoming the most popular guy (or girl) at work. Enjoyed and stumbled...

@lienz, getting fired will no-longer put you in the unique category.

MarketingDeviant, promotion is a thin veil covering company's lack of budget to hire new personnel.

Isaac, you can be popular too by being a freak. but I'd advice you follow my tips..

I like this post a lot. Good stuff.

yup. totally aggreed. meeting is so boring :p

Hey. Just found you.

Number 2 is 2 flippin' funny! If you speak up at a meeting, that is good for business. But you anger everyone by making it last longer. So you don't get a promotion. lol

Brilliant!

:O)

Sir George, thanks. Once you practice them, you'll even like it better!

Ayumi, I HIGHLY recommend you play Bull5hit Bingo if you're in meetings. Follow the link on my sidebar- you won't regret it!

George, welcome. 'Silence is golden' as they might say, and it's absolutely true in meetings..

Lol.. that was a humorous one... But who wouldn't like to get a promotion, we all strive for it!!! Taking your article positively i would say these are the things not to do.

Haha! Another set of witty ideas from one of most entertaining writers i've ever come across the net. :-)

I must be an expert at this not getting promoted business, if any1 wants help not getting promoted (or getting demoted for that matter) give me a shout. lol

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