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Basic Literature is a corporate satire blog, updated with satirical and humorous commentary on the corporate world, including career advice, management tips, business strategies and marketing tactics.
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Why Salesmen Are Like Stealth Bombers

Friday, February 22, 2008

We enjoyed rapid sales increase in the recent months, and I attributed all the success to my salespeople myself. Nevertheless, I would like you to digest my advice to our salespeople- "soar the sales chart like a flying stealth bomber". Here's why those two entities are somewhat similar.

Precise Targeting System

Spotting real prospects in a crowded and hectic mall can be too cumbersome for some. But real salespeople, having outrageous sales target to achieve, could not take that as an excuse. Thus they are equipped with the best prospect detection ability, to spot and differentiate the haves and the haves not.

So if you happen to stroll in front of a salesman and are completely ignored by him, you know which group you belong to.

Stealth Ability

Stealthy mode is as important. Having the power to surface on the target at the right time is always crucial. Prospects are wise nowadays, they know how to spot a salesman (from far away) and immediately alter their route so that they're free from harassments these salesmen are going to give.

Long Range, Enduring Ability

As with the stealth bomber which have a strategic ability to fly inter-continental missions, salesman should have the similar endurance to travel and survive the whole day in the sales territory and return home safely. There's no lunch at home. Refueling takes place on the go.

Care for a sandwich?

Rapid Bombing Ability

When they're out there on a mission, the least these salesmen want is having their selling points rejected by the prospect. So, they don't give any room for one.

Constant bombardment of sales points like "10 reason why you shouldn't leave here without my product" and "This is Mr James, before this guy used our product.." weakens the prospects until they surrender and just buy the d@mn product..

Nuclear Warhead Carrying Ability

When the going gets tough, the tough gets slaughtering. When rapid bombing does not work, stubborn prospects are going to get the nuke- a powerful statement that belittles them, which not only devastated and demoralized their present day, but also continues to hunt their memories for their entire life. That is what radiation is all about.

Rejecting? Be prepared...

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I see the biggest problem of the salesmen (or salesladies) that many of them are so obviously salesmen or sales ladies. The mumble the lines memorized from training manuals and all you need to do to derail them, is to ask some common sense question ... The stealth bomber crashes down :-)

When reading this article you know what came to my mind ? Not the sales people you see on the street, but those silly web sales pages ... I wonder up to what level of IQ do they actually work :-) I may try to create some and run a test :-)

I'm absolutely with you regarding those silly sales pages. Dubbed sales letter or minisites, these 'marketers' who wrote them simply resonate your first point- they're so obvious in selling something.

I hate those pages. I despise them.

And yes, it works. A fellow 'marketer' tried them selling an ebook about making money (-by writing e-books!).

All he did was writing a copycat e-book, a generic 'convincing' sales page and doing some adsense campaign.

60 gullible people bought it in the first month.

The internet is short of intelligent users it seems..

haha haha :-)

what is sad is that some of the guys who are supposed to be the "authorities" are shamelessly promoting these marketers and the links to these sales pages ... then one has to wonder how genuine their other "advices" are ...

That's true biz. I see a lot of authorities promoting these sales pages that have nothing to do with them. I need to try something and like it if I'm going to promote it. Even then, I don't know if I want to though because it is like trying to take advantages of your followers.

zedd!! pegi mengundi tak? hihi *soklan takde kaitan* tapi, just wondered dari dulu lagi ni... zedd ni malaysian ke?

Such creative applications and ideas from such dangerous stuff!!
I hope that you are able to convince peoples/prospects out there that 'ALL OF U MUST BUY THESE, OTHERWISE - DIE!'

BizgiftGuru, such authority is so desperate for money, they're willing to sell everything. You have to thank the devil for that.

MarketingDeviant, bloggers who take advantage on their readers for money, without offering anything of related value, are no longer considered 'authorities'.

Ayumi, I'm the citizen of the world. I don't vote. I don't believe in democracy. Authocracy rules. At least in my office.

Mrs. Bean, indeed the stealth bomber demonstrates the nature of these salesmen- avoid them at any cost. They're a menace.

Honestly,for species like me...any idea? Haha!!!

Some will ignoring the approach and put the effect of the approach as the benchmark of the success...

Salespeople are so creative nowadays, the only benchmark they should have is how many irritated customers they still manage to sell to.

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