C.E.O., Gobloc Insulting
About |
Basic Literature is a corporate satire blog, updated with satirical and humorous commentary on the corporate world, including career advice, management tips, business strategies and marketing tactics.
a satirical blog about our corporate world

Modern Corporate Office: Introducing EGILT!

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

As part of my company's expansion effort, I've summoned my head of Human Resource and laid out my plan for a new office building. As much as it is a trend nowadays, I've stated my desire to attach a catchy name to the building, just like what Google (Googleplex) and Apple (One Infinite Loop) did.

After dozens of suggestions from my top lieutenants, which was made possible using this on-line name generator, I, finally, calmly and unsparingly rejected all those suggestions and came out with my own name for this new base: EGILT.

 Artist rendering of EGILT

Now...EGILT is not just another office. It's a new-generation-cookie-cutter office. It will have all the bells and whistles of a modern corporate workplace.

  1. EGILT will carry a minimalist concept, as I'll be using art as an excuse to minimize the budget for furnishings and fittings.
  2. EGILT, on the inside, will have huge open spaces and high ceilings, because we'll be using an abandoned warehouse on the outskirt of the town, where the rent is cheap (just in case the owner is still interested about the building and shows up).
  3. EGILT will have dozens of TV rooms, laundry services and sleeping compartments, because I expect my staffs to 'feel just like at home' and live there.
  4. EGILT will have a spa, a gym and in-house doctors, so that my staffs will have less excuse to fall sick and skip work. 
  5. EGILT staffs wear casual clothes all week, to blur the line between work and play so that it becomes work and work.
  6. EGILT will serve gourmet meal and have kitchen-on-demand, so that my staffs will never have to leave the office even for entertaining clients.
  7. EGILT will have extended playgrounds and camping spots, so that my staffs can bring along their children and attach "along with work" to the "family first" concept.
  8. EGILT will have recreational facilities like a wall-climbing hall and a bowling alley, so that my staffs will still come and spend their weekend in the office.
  9. EGILT will be free from internal-combustion cars and staffs get to ride on cleaner natural-gas buses, so that I can have more control on where and when they'll leave the office.
  10. EGILT will use solar panels and clean energy, because it's the only PR stunt that is covered by governments incentives and tax-break.

With this array of paraphernalia, EGILT will surely be a on the list of 'best offices to work in'. It will attract so much hype and popularity that people will line up to work for my company.

But EGILT is so much cooler, it will up the ante and become not just a dream 'office to work in', but also 'an office to die in'.

And what's the meaning of EGILT you wonder?

It's Electric Grid Insect Light Trap, a major source of inspiration in designing this ultimate office. An office that will attract people to die in, without them realizing or willing.

Now with free shipping!

> full page