C.E.O., Gobloc Insulting
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Basic Literature is a corporate satire blog, updated with satirical and humorous commentary on the corporate world, including career advice, management tips, business strategies and marketing tactics.
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A Thank You Letter For Employees

Thursday, April 9, 2009

 letter-shake-handsDear employees,

It’s been a while since I personally write to all of you, but this time around, the times are tough, I thought you guys need a lift in spirit. I’m writing this to inform you guys how thankful I am to have such a supportive and strong workforce under my wings- we’ve proven we’re able to fly through thick and thin.

First of all, thank you for sticking with this company. Even when you know we’re facing difficulties in sustaining our existence, you’re being a complete sport. Thank you for taking the pay cut. Thank you for not protesting the massive layoff we did in the recent months. Not that you have any choice, I guess being employed slave-like is much better than being unemployed, but anyway thank you very much.


I would also like to thank you for working very hard. Yes, so hard, even our board of directors noticed our achievements. Without your effort, I couldn’t afford the congratulations on my job well done. I couldn’t afford the millions of bonuses I got, I couldn’t afford the ‘savior’ status I was commended.. I even couldn’t imagine being in this Gulfstream jet (Mauritius is gorgeous!). Thank you again. You’ve sacrificed a lot to make all this possible- all while working in a harsher and poorer condition.

Again, I would like to thank you guys for being professional. I know it’s so hard to control your emotions during these hard times- all the uncertainties in the economy, the changes in the country, the morale of the society. Even though you’re mad only because you’re assigned twice the workload (from your unfortunate laid-off peers), and you have to work twice as hard, under half the budget (because of the massive cost-cutting), thank you for not rioting in front of the building, and thank you for keeping my courtesy Mercedes S600L scratch-free.

letter-mercedes-sPlease continue keeping your hands off my baby.

Furthermore, I would like to express my outmost gratitude to you for being desperate. I know without desperation, none of any sane being would continue to work for this company, under this challenging condition, with very potentially unfortunate circumstances (more details in the following paragraph). Thank you.

Lastly, thank you for being gullible- for believing this letter is indeed a thank-you note. For feeling appreciated. For feeling more motivated. Because by you feeling so, it’s easier to tell you that we will not give any bonus payouts this year, we are not done with the lay-offs, we will undergo more cruel budget cuts. All this just so that the company continues to have enough cash to honor my sumptuous compensation package.

Whatever it is, please remember we’re in this mess together. You’re neck-deep…. while lifting me up high and safe.

Thank you.


Your C.E.O.

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