C.E.O., Gobloc Insulting
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Basic Literature is a corporate satire blog, updated with satirical and humorous commentary on the corporate world, including career advice, management tips, business strategies and marketing tactics.
a satirical blog about our corporate world

Free Tool To Prevent You From Being A Fool

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

Apart from being an average Joe, you can also be a sorry fool. So what makes you a fool?

Apparently, a lot of things. But do you know some of them can be eliminated using your web browser?

Yes, you can. In conjunction with Black Zedd's Basic Literature's first anniversary this week, I'm throwing you a splendid gift.

Black Zedd's Toolbar

So what makes you a fool that you can avoid by using this toolbar?

1. You're Clueless About Your Work/Project/Report

Solved. Perform a quick search for your work from different knowledge portals (apart from Google) anytime you're facing those terms/jargon you're clueless about.

You can also search for downloadable documents like PDFs, MS Word and MS Powerpoint presentations using the 'Search For Your Work Literature' feature. Plagiarism ahoy!

2. You're Often Slammed For Being Outdated With The Latest News

Solved. Quickly scan the latest headlines from leading news publication around the world. Shove it into your boss's @ss- every single minute of updates.

3. Your Cubicle Is On The Poorest Spot That You Hardly Knows The Weather Outside

Solved. Now you can stay forever inside your cubicle. The tool automatically detects your location and serve you with the current and forecasted weather condition.

4. You Spent So Much Time Logging Into Different Email Accounts Only To Find Out No One Sent You Anything

Solved. Preserve your ego. Now you can bundle ALL your emails together to check for updates. Oh, you can even play a sound too if you receive a new email. May not be worthwhile to read though.

5. You're Too Paranoid To Abuse Your Workstation By Browsing The Internet

Oh come'on. No body's going to tell. And nobody's going to find out too with this quick nifty button to clear your browsing trail. Solved.

Stop looking like a fool. Go ahead and download the toolbar for free. No spyware, malware or any Tupperware for that matter.

Toolbar hosted by Conduit, please view the Trusted Download Program Certificate here.

It's easily configurable (lots of other features) and shrinkable. You can uninstall it anytime. Give it a try.

On a related note, it's been a year since Black Zedd first wrote in this blog, so I would like to thank all of you for reading, bookmarking and linking the Basic Literature. Keep it real folks...

Now get back to work. Your boss is waiting for the damn report.
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Managers! Observe The Blue Eye System!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Are you a manager? Then you have to follow the norm- pick a bozo from your pool of subordinates, and treat them as your favorite. Because the corporate management arena work using the Blue Eye System, where you MUST have an incompetent blue-eyed boy or girl.


You need someone to remind you that you're still in charge
Having someone who nods to your every decision is a great way to do that. Because most of your staff is clever enough to think you're incapable of making any good decision.

You need someone to share your bullshits
Managers sometimes suffer inferiority complex, a state where they're short of distinguished accomplishments to bolster their self-esteem. So are you, so you need someone who nods in excitement to every bullshit you created (to make you feel good)- like the story back then when you were in high schools..

You need the false sense of competency
It's an open secret that you don't have to be smart or competent to be a boss. So you need something to feel like you're one of those competent stars. What is better than having such looser sticking around and praise you all the time?

You need to do less work
The blue eyed boy/girl will go to great lengths in securing this promising position (it can result to promotion, raise etc..), so they'll respond to your every request with 'Your Wish Is My Command'. They'll run all your personal errant. And even fetch you at the airport, which is handy during your midnight arrivals.


Unlike me, I don't have anyone particular as my favorite subordinate. Because I'm so competent, I don't need them. But hey, if there's someone who is more capable than me, they can replace me as the new CEO.

But of course after I struck a deal with them that will leave me a couple of billion dollar richer. Does Golden Handshakes ring a bell?
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Your Friends, Your Email And The Stupidity

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

I'm sure you spent hours everyday going through your email. Do you know your mailbox is an excellent tool to measure the level of stupidity of your friends?

Just count how many of your friends are abusing the saying 'Sharing Is Caring' and blindly forward every possible email they receive.

Okay, then maybe you like some of those emails, like the humor and funny jokes to keep you lighten up in contrast of your doomed career. And those motivational slide shows to disorientate you from the fact that you hate your job.

But how about the stupid email about Bill Gates who's sharing his fortune? Or the absurd email about how the sun will rise continuously for 1 and half days this month? Or any of these collection of hoax emails that people like to forward endlessly?

If MOST of your inbox are filled with those kind of craps, than it's safe to conclude that your friends are a bunch of gullible idiots.

But wait..

"Birds of a Feather Flock Together"

..which means, by befriending them, you're an idiot too. Ooops.

p/s: if you're also guilty of forwarding those emails, I'm astounded by the fact that you're reading this blog.
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The Economic Crisis: A Stupid Self Fulfilling Prophecy

Thursday, October 2, 2008

In the recent weeks' tragedy, following the fall of Lehman Brothers, there were fears that a second Great Depression is brewing. While analysts desperately try to allay those fears by telling people not to panic, it's hard to calm down.

Obama Pictures and McCain Pictures

We're in a deep economic problem. And literally, 'economic problem' is caused by scarcity. But like the oil crisis, it's not the scarcity of resources. In today's world, it's the scarcity of thoughts.

Just look at the current scenario. To respond to the current economic crisis,

...the public is withdrawing their deposits
They freak out and pull out their money from the banks to 'prevent potential losses'. But we're in a middle of the credit crisis- and we need more deposits to keep the economy moving.

Q: Isn't by withdrawing the money, we're making the situation worse?

A: We don't care.

...and the banks are laying off their employees

Banks are laying off their workers to secure their 'long-term presence' and 'market strength'. They're reacting lightning fast to the recent crisis, dumping valuable manpower that took stages of interviews just for them to consider hiring.

Q:How on earth by reducing your manpower in 2 weeks can you retain your market for 2 decades?

A: We don't care.

.....while people are fighting against the bailouts

because they think it's stupid to hold government (and taxpayers) responsible for corporate companies' troubles. They prefer to let the ailing corporations succumb, along with the rest of the economy.

Q: Can a broke corporation save you from economic collapse?

A: We don't care.

...and the Congress?

The congress rejected the bailout bill, only because of partisan influences. And for heaven's sake, it was fellow Mr. President's Republicans who went against the bill.

Q: Can we jeopardize the global economy just because of a speech?

A: Yes we can!


We're facing a prophecy of doom: an economic meltdown.

But what's interesting is the extent of our stupidity is so great, it seems this prophecy will be self-fulfilling.

Luckily there's CEOs and consultants like me- the wise people who insists on golden handshakes and parachutes. Because this is economy. Someone must profit out, from this scarcity.
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