C.E.O., Gobloc Insulting
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Basic Literature is a corporate satire blog, updated with satirical and humorous commentary on the corporate world, including career advice, management tips, business strategies and marketing tactics.
a satirical blog about our corporate world

Don’t Let Your Subordinates Steal Your Job

Thursday, May 28, 2009

The ugly side of being a manager is the ratio of people fighting for your job.

You alone : All your subordinates

As the probability of you being an awesome manager is remote, therefore I conclude that you’re not competent enough to be the best person for the job compared with your subordinate.


But wait. Don’t succumb to the vanity mirror. Here’s how you can reduce the probability of you being replaced by your star subordinate.


Restrain them - Reinforce fear

Motivation is yesterday’s tool. Don’t motivate people to polish their performance, or your top management will soon realize you’re outshined by your subordinate. Use fear instead to keep them going, so that they’ll perform just to be in the safe zone, not the ‘excellent’ zone.


Break them - Discourage teamwork

As I’ve mentioned earlier, a well-organized team will lead to a well-organized resistance. You’re too weak to face that. Break them apart. In a meeting, they should only talk to you. They shall not work in pairs. If possible, they should work in different floors. Or different country. Whatever necessary.


Weaken them - Be vague

Don’t be precise in your orders.  Give hints, not directions. Train them to read your mind. Next, change your mind often. This way, in the event of failure, your management principle is not to be blame, because you have none. You can now blame your subordinates for their lack of apprehension in the way you work.




Spy them - Select your clandestine agent

Quickly pick your favorite among your colleagues and promote them as your sarjeant-at-arms. This person must be, or, have the potential to be, your most loyal fan in the department. This person will be your eyes and ears, in the office wherever you’re not around. This person is your department’s Secret Police, so you’ll know any plan for coup-d’etat and eliminate the threat before the Operation Valkyrie commence.


Discourage them - Keep your succession planning public

You should analyze your subordinates according to the threat they posed to your position. In ascending order, list down your preferences of successor. The least threatening subordinate will be the top progeny in your succession planning. Your most threatening rival will know he/she doesn’t stand a chance to be promoted and will call it a quit, literally.

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Re-observe The Labor Day

Friday, May 1, 2009

Oh..It’s the time of the year again for laborers to get their ‘well-deserved’ break again. Yeay. It’s labor day. Although other countries might call it International Worker’s Day, The May Day, The Worker’s Day, Holiday of National Labor, Day of Labor, The Day of Spring and Labor…however crappy the name is, it’s a day to celebrate.

But not here in my company. They don’t get my blessing to go on leave today, despite the usual demonstration, rally, march, parade and other anti-capitalist-like events.

unhappy-labor day

Not like before. Exactly 365 days ago when I wrote about labor day I gave the day off to my employees, but things have changed so much then, the break is no-longer relevant. The tides have changed. The economy is going down badly, employment is a scarce commodity. Company owners like me has a bigger bargaining power right now, so employee unions are relegated to the has-been this very day.

We’re a beaten superman. Why unions are our kryptonite.

The bullish market, which was doing so well until the crash, has stumbled. With companies struggling with their balancing act in this economy, we don’t need disruptors. The employee union can be one. They’ll fight for whatever they see necessary with no conceivable limit.

Take the United Auto Workers (UAW) for example. They paralyzed the big three’s coffers with their stupid demand for retiree’s pension and healthcare treatment. How such a large union can cross the stupidity boundary continues to amuse us, but it seems that the following is true:

2 brainless heads is stupider than one.

That, coupled with the tipping point theory:

When something reaches certain level (the tipping point), the momentum for change becomes unstoppable.

When greed (and stupidity) passes along the ranks and proportionately becomes greater with the number of union members, it will become unstoppable at one point. It will reach the stage where any employee union can effectively run the respective company through blackmailing. They’ll command everything their way with the help of the legal strike.


The problem lies when they’re not the owner of the company, thus they don’t have the sense of ownership and the responsibility to sustain it for the long run. They’ll skim every possible benefit from the company until it’s out of shape, and when bankruptcy is the only viable option guess who’s the loudest kvetch?

The union.

So right now we need stability and the peace of mind to get us on our foot again. Emotions are running high, negativity is in the air. Stupidity is everywhere. To prevent the stupidity from reaching the tipping point and hence being a controlling force, we must disable the medium. WE MUST NOT ENCOURAGE unionized workforce.

So get back to work. No labor day celebration this year. More power to the capitalists like me!

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