Hey we're hiring, so here are the snippets of our job opening ads in the newspaper (and what they really mean):
(Curious about the job title? Read them here)
But the truth is, we only need one, the rest is for the impression that our business is indeed growing.
2. Looking for dynamic, highly-motivated individual
'Dynamic' means adaptable, multi-talented and flexible. Because our cost-savvy approach results to the candidate landing a single job title but doing the jobs of another 10. Who can survive this with a thin layer of motivation?
3. Able to work under pressure
Peer pressure because he'll be poorly paid compared to his peers (hired during the good 'ol days), top-bottom pressure because having to work under idiot boss (who happens to be a relative of the director), and high-blood pressure from disorganized eating patterns (who likes to have dinner alone in the cubicle at the office anyways?).
4. Training will be provided / willing to learn
We'll give you the search term for you to google and you can learn during your time outside the office. We'll send you for training courses as long as it's free, so don't expect them to be useful.
5. Able to work independently
The working condition is so bad everyone in the department had already left. Sorry, no one for you to depend on.
6. Willing to travel
Everyone is a salespeople. Regardless of the protests. Go meet our client outside.
7. Possess attractive personality
Sluts will be prioritized. Gollums need not apply.
8. Attractive remuneration package awaits successful candidates
'Attractive' is the word you use to attract candidate to submit application. As successful candidate is already considered attracted, the use of this statement is to ensure only candidates who are stupid enough apply for the job (otherwise they'll leave the company too early).
Oh and did you know that we're an equal opportunity employer too?
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