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Basic Literature is a corporate satire blog, updated with satirical and humorous commentary on the corporate world, including career advice, management tips, business strategies and marketing tactics.
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Job Vacancy: Non-Executive Director

Friday, March 21, 2008

We're a big Marketing Consulting Agency engaged in strategic and tactical marketing consultation. In line with our CEO's request, the company is now looking for suitable candidates to attend our interview for the following position:

Non-Executive Director

  • Candidate must be at least 1000 years old.

  • Must possess knowledge and experience in anything unrelated to our business activities.

  • A fake champion of employee rights and considers ethics as another Looney Toons series.

  • A strong advocate of directors' remuneration.

  • Candidates must know nothing about PBIT, EBITDA, IBO. Confusion between Capital Investment and New York is an added advantage.

  • Must be IT-illiterate, but possess the lust for tech gadgets like hand-phones and laptops.

  • Must be on at least 100 company's board of directors simultaneously. Candidate with a higher 'conflict of interest' risk will have a better edge.

  • Possesses sufficient health risk including heart disease, stroke, kidney failures and high blood pressure. Terminal cancer is an added advantage. Alzheimer symptoms are a must.

  • Must have a natural talent to ignore presentations in BOD meetings and skip to the lunch treat.

  • Willing to serve eternally and die in office.

Interested candidate please email your resume before 1 April 2008 citing your current and expected absurd allowance.

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Darn. And here's me just shy of my 1,000th birthday this July.

If I bribe you, would you still accept my resume? *g* (I've got some tempoyak I'd like to give away...)

eheh. at least 1000 years? :p lama tuh. kite baru 1 year old :p

Elly M, actually I don't intend to recruit people for this position.

I'm just seeking candidates for the interview- which gives me the opportunity to insult these bossy, incompetent and useless 'directors'.

Ayumi, the age requirement reflects the composition of today's directors, especially in those GLCs companies.

Fiuh,what kind of DIRECTOR you're looking for..hehe..

For me, its ACTING DIRECTOR..by doing everything but nothing!

'Acting' Director is actually a formally-recognized position. However as you can see, their role is no different than the actual director.

acting director is good thought :P

ey, black zedd, i don't even speak english!!! is that an advantage for the position? (and I don't have formal suit. But I have 2 nice ties, seriously).

Anonymous, most of directors munch cashew nuts instead of speaking during board meetings. As long as your teeth is fine, you have an advantage.

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