Why My Bonus Is More Than Yours

We're approaching the end of the year. For most (some?) of you workaholics out there, you know it's high-time for your bonus pay-outs. So, how many month do you get? Happy?

I'm not happy for sure. Because I'm the owner of my company. I've to fork out my prospective earnings just to make sure my employees, like you, are "motivated" or feel "appreciated".

And I have to cut my slice of the cake just so you can pay for those rip off 'car insurance' policy renewal or those 'vacation club' fees that you've been duped into not a while ago.

So to ensure I'm able to purchase my ridiculously extravagant yatch next year, I'm going to revamp the whole Human Resource policy so that I'm not in the losing end when bonus payouts arrive.

Here's my modified HR policy:

• As annual bonus are paid in the basic salary multiplier, all basic salary will be reduced to RM10 and the balance will be represented in unexplainable allowances.

• For those employees who's probation is ending before the bonus payment, I'll extend them on the ground of "poor performance".

• I'm offering the "Employee of the Year" award to a manager with the lowest bonus recommendation to their subordinates.

• All new recruitment will be employed on contract-basis, renewable every year. These contract staffs are therefore, not eligible for bonus payouts.

• The department with more practical students than full-time employees will get more budget allocation the next year. Practical trainee don't get bonuses.

• Any medical leave or emergency leave will void their eligibility to get bonus.

• All bonuses will be paid in company share, and not convertible to cash for at least 3 decades.

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Now I can reduce my bonus expenses without jeopardizing the quality of my workforce. After all, I can still offer 20 months bonus incentive as a bait.

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