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Basic Literature is a corporate satire blog, updated with satirical and humorous commentary on the corporate world, including career advice, management tips, business strategies and marketing tactics.
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True Definitions of Corporate Jargons

Monday, December 3, 2007

To join the bandwagon of successful corporate figures, I've decided to write a book5hit. Yes, it's bull5hits in a book format.

So, I'm providing an exclusive snippets of the soon-to- become best-seller to you. It's called Understanding Corporate Jargon.


You see, there are terms that you must familiarize with to successfully navigate your career ladder.

These jargons may be casual for some serious corporate bigwigs, but nevertheless people with small corporate and business background may find it difficult to comprehend.

And so, I write this book to define those jargons for you to understand easier. Here are some preview from my book:

Global company
A local company who lay-off its local staffs and move to China for lower production cost.

Mergers & Acquisition
The purchase or voluntary combination with other companies to lay-off staffs.

Retrenchment
The act of reducing employed workforce to shove more money into it's shareholder's a55.

Cost-Benefit-Analysis
The profitability study of a certain decision in order to disapprove the decision.

Prudent Accounting
The practice of better accounting transparency to reduce the suspicion on the director's fraud.

Corporate Philanthropy
The act of presenting toilet door-sized mock cheques to social organizations in order to compensate the obvious company wrong-doings.

Independent Director
A non-shareholder director who is appointed to become a puppet of majority shareholders.

Risk Management
A practice conducted to cover the company's cheap-a55 policy.

Whistle-blower
An internal disgruntled staff who reports the company's managerial fraud after failing to blackmail the conspirator for money.

Multitasking
Unwillingly doing 10 person's job to give credit to the Human Resource manager for a successful cost reduction

Job Promotion
A progress in one's career as a result of consistently praising the boss to the skies for his every stupid decision.

Fraud
An act of using company's time and computer to read this blog.

Get-a-life
The act of resigning from your steady job to have more time to read this blog

Second-thought
The act of denial from you based on my above definition

Agreement
Finally agreeing with my point and write the resignation letter to protest against these 5hits you're getting everyday from your company.

****

If you like what you just read, the full version will be available in the market. Interested? Drop me your info so I can inform you the publication date, which is after I can finally get some time to finish this book5hit.

Which is, of course, never.

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11 comments:

I love the last definition!

ermmm.. i'll resign next month.. huhu.. hopefully i'll not regret.. it's time to start a business and do the same things to employee.. haha..

zedd... kite tak bape sihat. tolong jaga bleh. hahaha *kes tak tahu nak komen ape utk entry kali ni, tapi still nak komen gak* :D

Hi slackers,
Seems like Zedd is a DANGEROUS VIRUS for you..Make it safe for not regret it - work with Zedd!!

yes mrs bean..
thats what i'm planning for.. haha..

Dear all, sorry I couldn't get to you guys earlier. I'm finalizing my company's bonus payment- it's the end of the year.

Red fish, glad you like it. Now do it!

Slackers, resigning is highly recommended. It's time for you to spread the ill-treatment across the world.

Ayumi, an apple a day keeps the doctor away. A page a day (from my book) keeps your friends away!

Mrs Bean, I'm not a virus. in fact, I'm the cure of our hippocratic corporate culture. I admit my cruelty, didn't I?

How 'bout your take on corporate culture...you know the environment that demands cookie-cutter behavior and then lays folks off/terminates them for complacency. Hmmm...

Dee, there's nothing wrong with the corporate culture. It motivates all people to be a CEO.

If this goes on, we will see in the future - all companies have only CEOs and no subordinates. Taking horizontal organizational structure to a new level.

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