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Basic Literature is a corporate satire blog, updated with satirical and humorous commentary on the corporate world, including career advice, management tips, business strategies and marketing tactics.
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How to Handle Your Raging Boss

Thursday, November 29, 2007

There's no such thing as a perfect employee.

Not in you, that's for sure.

Mistakes happen. Your boss snaps. And you're straight in his cross hair. Your eyes linger around for excuses to escape the imminent lecture. But you're cornered this time. There's no escape. You're going to be lambasted by your ever-raging boss.

Well, if this happens to you next time, you're going to get lucky. Because today I will explain how to handle this situation - to reduce the fury of your boss. So spare some time and follow the step-by-step guide as follows:


Admit everything your boss said.

Don't fight fire with fire. Admit everything your boss is blaming you for. When he said "You messed up everything", you should respond with "I messed up everything". If he goes "I never have staff like you", reply "You never have staff like me". The lack of opposing views will definitely chill your boss a little.


Find vague excuses.

When he's a lil' bit chilled, think of something common as an excuse. The IT department is a good start. In sentencing your excuse, don't be too comprehendible like:

"The technician could not fix my e-mail software"

Exaggerate the problem like this:

"The technician could not fix my internet communication collaboration tool"

Or replace everything with technically-lurid words:

"The IT technical representative could not troubleshootize the interactive Simple Mail Transfer Protocol"

Your boss' ego will never permit him to ask you what exactly does those terms mean, therefore making him agreeing with your plight and reducing further tension.


Give promising promises.

Don't forget to sentence it beautifully. "As a committed member of your team, I will make sure this tragedy will never happen again". Extend your promise to include "either by me or any other team member in our department" and also add something like "I've learned from my grievous mistake and would not let my children to perish by the same deplorable error like mine"

Your obvious remorse will surely get him to cool off. With promise so promising like that, he'll definitely call it even and ready to let you go.


Now everything is going in the right direction. Your boss start smiling, although a bit pale, but still, smiling. He pat you in your back, giving valuable advise for your career. This is when you should initiate the final step to finish off his wrath. Do this:

Hope for a stuck throat.

CURRENT BOSS TEMPER METER: 0/10 (he won't mess with you again, definitely!)

There you go. Continue your blog surfing, do not worry about being caught by your boss. Because you know how to handle them now. Effectively.

This post is created as a response towards a reader's request. Get your solutions here. Ask me anything.

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Things to do to impress your boss

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haha!!!!haha!!!!Trust me!I'll try it soonest as possible..fiuh,you make me feel more confident to work with such useless boss!

first of all, thanks for your quick response on my request.. haha.. but, when i give some promise like what you've mention, my boss will say "i've enough hearing this crap from everybody else. you'll always keep promises this and that but this things will happen again".. so i guess i'll just straight do the last step.. haha.. thanks.. :)

hi..thanks for the visit...but i must say yr articles are good for employee like me..atleast i knw wht to do wth boss whenever he shows temper..ehehe..

Mrsbean, bosses are not useless. They're very useful for you to enhance your Karate skills.

Slackers, I didn't mention in my post, but I HIGHLY RECOMMEND you skip all steps and proceed to the last one.

Waliz, I suggest you do it even when your boss is not mad at all. It will boost your self-esteem. Trust me.

wahaha! kalau kite boleh melayang setinggi tu, memang dah lama kite tiru aksi dalam gambo itu. hehe. suke yg masa mula2 nak cool down hot temper boss. :p btw zedd, did u ever try any that u've been said :D

Ayumi, as you might already noticed, I AM the boss. And I never get mad with my staff.

But I ALWAYS kick them in the throat. It's fun!

sebetulnya kamo memang boss yang kijam. hahaha. zedd, when's exactly ur birth? is it today? just once, tell me the truth plsss :)

I don't have birthday. I have birthdays. Everyday. Why limit the day we should receive our gifts?

I once had a boss who was going deaf. When he interviewed me for the job, I was unaware of it - because he was so young I never gave it a thought. I even asked him if he had a cone I could talk to him through. I still got the job. A month later he had hearing aids in both ears. I can't believe I got away with that bitch slap.

i cannot find anything on your blog that i shouldnt agree with.

ur tips and tricks help people out there a lot. and me tOo! =P

thanks and keep telling us, ok~

This is a great article. It's something we ALL need to keep in our heads, that's for sure. I'm including a link to another site I've found really timely, too - just like this post.

Thanks and Regards/-
Jason Webb

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