C.E.O., Gobloc Insulting
About |
V
Basic Literature is a corporate satire blog, updated with satirical and humorous commentary on the corporate world, including career advice, management tips, business strategies and marketing tactics.
a satirical blog about our corporate world

Things to Do to Impress Your Boss When You Don't Deserve It

Friday, November 2, 2007

Having a boss to impress but not the aptitude to do it? Then just fake it! Here are my tips for you lazy lads, as proven through my on-hand experience :-p


1. Work during lunchtime, lunch during worktime

Or you can come early and work first, then eat during work. Why? Bosses are only out of their room when they're arriving in the morning or leave for a break. This is the 'impression window', where you should display all your fake commitments towards your work. When they're in their room, you can then display your real commitment towards their doom.

2. Plan (imaginatively) your progress

When you sign in in the morning, always plan what you should do for the entire day. When your boss suddenly calls you, show him that you're prepared and committed to resolve your assignments for the day. Then you can proceed with your nap.

3. See your boss for pointers

Bosses dislike passive workforce. See them regularly, asking important pointers on your task and explaining your progress (see above if you don't have one). FIND SOMETHING TO ASK. It displays your willingness to develop. These should also give you some peace of mind to relax in your cubicle, saving you from his surprise lurch to your table for updates and questions.

4. Subscribe to relevant RSS feeds

If your office PC is connected to the internet, subscribe to the Really Simple Syndication (RSS) feeds from related websites in your industry. RSS feeds are updates (depends on the site) providing you with quick insight and summary on the latest information you need. Set My Yahoo! or iGoogle as your homepage, where you can put multiple feeds in a single page.

If you work in a tech company for example, you can subscribe to the RSS feeds from various tech blogs and news sites to stay connected with the latest development without the hassle of reading through the whole newspaper. Raise some of the points you noticed in the RSS in your department's meeting - and mesmerize others with your informative living!

Learn more about RSS. You can try subscribing to this blog here.

5. Always bring some sort of documents around

When you go around to other department for a little chat, don't forget your papers - any papers. Roll it and walk fast. It gives an impression that you're on a formal assignment. When you drop by your target's desk, put the papers on the desk and point at it in regular intervals while enjoying your irrelevant conversation.

6. Invite friends for Skype

If your office is using Skype, invite your friends and families (especially your girlfriend or boyfriend) to use the messaging tool. It's hassle free, and appears more professional. If downloads are not allowed in your company, Yahoo Mail (beta version) or GMail- they have a built-in chat ability to deceive your boss as if you're checking your email!

7. Always keep spradsheeds and word processors ready

Before you steal your company's time for your Facebook or EBay surfing, make sure your Excel (or any application software you use for WORK) is loaded and ready. DO NOT MINIMIZE THEM. It eases your cover-up in case of your boss makes a surprise attack.

8. Never Submit Your Assignments Early

If not, you'll be given new task, and there goes your on-line chatting session.





Related Posts



Blog Widget by LinkWithin

20 comments:

I tried a copule of the tricks last week. It seems to be working:-)

Quite interesting topic to comment!But I'm not the one who are lazy lads and one more thing-I believe my boss already practiced these kind of things and perhaps he is the BOSS now because of these things!!I believe that there will be more and more approaches or 'skills' that we intend to apply in order to impress our lovely boss. Is it what we call 'work smart' instead of 'work hard'? I agree with the writer in the sense that these things will be useful tips in order to get respect and trust from our boss.Some of us will do the same thing to avoid our boss(or his/her kuncu2)get prejudice on us.I can say that there's nothing wrong to be creative in such ways - people were hired because of their analytical thinking, creativity and intelligence.The important things I want to highlight here:DON'T DO IT ALWAYS!Ehem..I would like to point out some disadvantages for those who normally practice these things to impress their boss:1)Work during lunchtime, lunch during worktime - as for me myself, I feel frustrated each time lunch during worktime-everything finish at the canteen!!!!!It's better to get my stomach full rather get boss to impress!!!3)See your boss for pointers - compare to the other bosses, each time I'm asking my boss about Labour Law or Employment Act, he will ask me back.’ I’m also not really familiar with this act.Can you find out for me????'Oh God. Sorry Mr.Zedd.I already failed for your last point (NEVER SUBMIT YOUR ASSIGNMENTS EARLY)as only by asking 1 question,I've been given additional task! Whatever,whenever & wherever it is, I believe that most of us are practicing these things but not really to impress our boss-but because we feel lazy to work!

Just for addition Zedd..

If u do 3 things, just tell your Boss 1 thing only. When your Boss ask again, tell the other one. And then another. Dont tell everything in a same time. Believe me. It works for me. Haha..

Wow!

Slackers, you're the master of deception! I'll make it the 9th point. Nice...

aduih...rahsia dah terpecah la pulak....kena la create trick2 lain...damn....

Yes, but rest assured all other tricks are already discovered by me. It's a matter of time before I share it with the whole world! (evil laughing at background..)

What I frequently does is that often surf all the time just to keep my stress away during talking to paperworks. My fave technique is leaving at least 3 tabs on desktop & I open the Task Manager to hide the Labels on the other windows. I almost get caught while viewing a page for my gm parts . Crap! That's funny really, though.

haha...
great ideas, will try on my boss.

slackers,
i like ur idea too!!

cheers everyone~

Great Ideas. you are a true genious man. ;)

LOL !
The idea of carrying documents around is wicked ! It gives the impression to the boss that his/her workers are busy working, when they are actually faking it, LOL !

travel business agent

I like the work during lunchtime one! I used to do that a lot >_>.

Wow, simply awesome.. fantastic ideas, i had a good time ready it, and these things really work and amusing to do as well.
Truely Impressive, Lol .

What you see is not always true.. and here is the perfect example. Very good tactics to impress your boss, and i bet it really works most of the time. But never think your boss is a fool, what is most important is that you are efficient and productive in a good company.

These don't work when your boss isn't with you in the same building.. Middle management people like me are always ignored by their supervisors and can't grow because they can't prove themselves as hardworkers.. or maybe at this point, hardwork isn't it all - it's all about good politics which I lack :(

Those who are boss favorites have sureli lots of benefits, thanks for these tips, I will surely try them.

Lol!!.. Some great ideas man.. like that my colleagues are cheating me aah.. but I hope not everyone being like that..

ha ha aha ha ha the points are too good and funny also.keep it up buddy you have done a great job.

LoL, these are spoilers man! You're a boss yourselve and would you expect such response from your employees? Never!! Recipe for disaster for your company. Environment should be friendly and there should be a motto like when there's work we should be working very seriously otherwise you can always do whatever you want with your PC. Boss should be friends with employees so that they can be comfortable with them but not allow them to go into a zone which makes us take our boss for-granted because when Boss kicks, he really kicks very hard lol! I used to keep the Word and Excel open when we had nothing to do in the office and if the big boss immediately came. My supervisor and boss knew there's nothing to work but we can't show the Big Boss that we're idle.

Mh! what if the office is not much busy to make you carying documents?
But the ideas are very pretty!

Post a Comment

COMMENTS WITH KEYWORDS IN THE NAME FIELD WILL BE REMOVED