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Basic Literature is a corporate satire blog, updated with satirical and humorous commentary on the corporate world, including career advice, management tips, business strategies and marketing tactics.
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Behind Those Employee Benefits

Tuesday, January 15, 2008


That's how my recent interview candidate reacted when I told him about our company's benefits. Sure, we have tons of them. For our employees. For the love of "Motivation".

But what a naive these people are. Yes, we corporate companies give lots of benefits. But do you really think it's for your benefits? It's the other way around! Let's take a more enlightening close-up shall we?


Do you really think it's for your convenience to work on the go? Nonsense. It's to nullify any probable excuse you might give to explain your failure to complete those ridiculously-timed tasks we give.

Now you can even work on your bed- halfway through your sleep! So please, no more "I don't have enought time" attitude.


So it's a known hype nowadays that each aspiring CEO-to-be must have the portable e-mail device. So we give it free to our executives. Not to appreciate them, nor giving a boost for their convenience.

It's because we want them to answer all our annoying one-liner emails inquiring irrelevant questions that we can obviously find the answer ourselves had we take 1sec to think. So we, the top management, can always delegate everything to them, including thinking- whenever and wherever they are.

Company Cars

Our executives can kiss their weekend goodbye! With our company cars, they'll have no excuse whatsoever for those outstation run. Since everything is given to them, we need to only ask one authoritative question: "We've given everything you need for work FOC, so why don't you make them useful by doing this errant eh?"

Golf Club Membership

It's not for their leisure, it's for them to play golf with our clients. They will not find any time to play privately, as I will continuously slot every available time from their golfing schedule for my client's entertainment.

Panel Clinics and Doctors

We're providing free medical attention to our staffs, so they have the total peace of mind knowing they could not attempt to forge any Medical Leave certificate nor fool the doctors with any internal, impossible-to-detect sickness in exchange for a day-off from the office. Yes, our doctors are trained and motivated to reduce the number of medical leave to a possible zero.

Employee Benefits = More Work And No Play

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I totally agree. No company does anything for the benefit of anyone other than themselves. I can't believe people actually thought otherwise.

Unless you are the CFO. Then you can steal your health benefits like the ones I know.

so my staff must love me for no blackberry, laptop, company cars ... I feel so good today :-)

That's kind of evil of them when you think of it that way =D.


Hi Zedd,
Boss is boss. We can see on how successful they are in tuning employee's benefits into their benefits. Even hard to accept it, what to do?

Hope we are not one of it..when we are the employer of our company!

Dear Leon, companies are not charitable foundations. We always want something in return:)

Chelle, CFOs are also well-known for overestimate profits and underestimate cost for better reflections.

F1wolf, the fact that they're unconscious to this deception makes it the other way around.

David (marketingdeviant), evil and cruelty keeps the corporate world going! (and of course, those legal firms too)

@lienz, unfortunately, I'm one of them! Converting all their benefits into mine, without them realizing it, is another ingenious invention of corporate hypocrisies.

ingatkan lepas zedd muncul balik, ade la posting banyak2.. rupanya.. ni je yg terbaru... huhu... takpelah... kite still akan datang sini... :)

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