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Basic Literature is a corporate satire blog, updated with satirical and humorous commentary on the corporate world, including career advice, management tips, business strategies and marketing tactics.
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Never Do These In Job Interviews

Saturday, April 5, 2008

Being on top of my current company, I've been on both ends of job interviews. And having seen all kind of people interviewing and interviewed, it's a politically correct move to "Share all my experiences so that you can learn something"


Anyways, here it is:

1. Never say anything nice about your old employer(s)

You should never highlight any positive points regarding your previous employers. Find and list everything bad that you can. Tell those interviewers what you feel. They'll see this as your precious critical skills.

Plus you also demonstrate your endurance level by working in crappy companies for years.

2. Never say "I need a new challenge"

No. It's a cliche. A good one, but still, a cliche. You don't want the interviewers to summarize the job interview stating "Of 1000 candidates, all need a new challenge in their career".

You want them to include "except one candidate that said he wants us to take the challenge from rapid growth he will bring into our company".

3. Never praise the company you're interviewing for

"I like to work here because this company will be a great platform for me to advance my career path" will only uplift those egomaniacs.

Try this: "You will hire me because I will be a great platform for you to triple your company's bottom-line".

4. Never dress professionally

A pair of jeans and a t-shirt work fine. Why imitate all those cookie-cutter looser in the corporate rate-race when you can have billionaire moguls like the Google brothers and Steve Jobs to follow?

After all, Richard Branson did more for the entire human race than Donald Trump did for the New Yorkers.

Less suits brings more wealth

5. Never sell yourself short
The ultimate value of yourself derives from the demand and supply equation. Never outstrip their demand for your service by supplying too much eagerness- or you'll risk being on the cheaper scale of the salary budget.

So instead of asking "How much is the salary?", which is a degrading question, say "I'll work for no less than [the average salary + 50%]". Ping their arrogance until it shatters.


The overall idea is to beat the crap out of the interviewers. Insult their intelligence to the max, showing why they will face an imminent doom if you don't join them. As a conclusion:

The universe revolves around you. Tell them.

P/S: No, it will not work on me if you're interviewing for my company. Only the opposite will take place.

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I already had a comment in mind but then I saw your P/S :-)

Hehe, great article! Totally relate to it. And yes, never sell yourself short. I see it happening all the time with so many people. Their self-esteem is so low it seems they work for anything just to have a job.

"I'll work for no less than..." is also my approach. It serves me well so far, not only for my past employments, but nowadays as a self-employee in my online business endeavors, too.


BizGiftGuru, also note that all advices I gave in this blog apply to the same P/S.

Marcus, it's time job seekers unleash the vendetta against corporations. They're too noble to negotiate.

I like the shirt and jean for interviews =D. I think each person has a different style and that they should wear what they like to be different from the rest.

Yes!Totally out of box ideas.As for those who are risks taker, you can try these!I can say that,this is 50-50 approach whereby not all companies will accept the 'TRUTH'..some may prefer to have the fool and 'straight' candidates..to save their money..as well as to reduce company's BURDEN in hiring more people for more job!

MarketingDeviant, absolutely. Corporate bigwigs inculcate monotonous culture but at the same time ask you to 'think differently'. What a crap.

@lienz, the trend nowadays is when you're courageous enough to stand against the interviewers, you'll gain respect for your boldness- which will land you the job. And of course it will not work in cheap-@55 companies, cause the only thing that can impress them is your readiness to join their slavery.

ha-ha! True - the opposite. Good I read the P.S.

Very interesting post, man. But are you serious about these tips. Or are the opposite true?

Anyway, it is a great, but confusing article on job interview.

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