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Basic Literature is a corporate satire blog, updated with satirical and humorous commentary on the corporate world, including career advice, management tips, business strategies and marketing tactics.
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What's Up With Today's Employee Titles?

Sunday, June 29, 2008

Apparently some in HR field think that by changing the employee titles, they can make the difference.

That's why Starbucks don't call their waiters 'waiter'. They slap craps on their name tags by calling these people 'barista'.

Or Walt Disney when they chose to call their engineers 'imagineers'. What the hack was that?

Wall Mart and Home Depot call all their non-management staffs 'associates'. If only they really mean it.

Hotels proudly call their masseuse 'massage therapists'. As if their touch is any less tempting.

Customer Service Executive is now commonly called Customer Care Consultants. How I wish that was true- the 'consult' and 'care' .

Scan the job market for Marketing Executive and you'll find millions of them- where 99.9% will land you in a job of a salesperson. Or a telemarketer. (no..marketing is not merely selling)

Maybe because the Marketing people has a new name. Well, Apple seems to call them 'Evangelist'.

No different with 'Administration Executive'. Most of them are secretaries doing clerical stuffs. Wait....I'm sorry, no, they're not secretaries. They're executives. Doing secretarial and clerical stuffs. In companies without secretary and enough staffs.

Things are all well with Management Trainee- except the 'Management Trainee' part. You don't train to be management personnel. You're trained to be a management tool, with a prospect of having another 1-year extension to your contract. You're a temp.

"We're the best company. Our staffs have catchy titles
and work in cool departments."

Companies put hyped-up titles on their employees for one reason- to deceive.
  1. To deceive employees that they're special, unique. Or they're being promoted into something more significant. Minus the raise, the perks and the authority.

  2. To deceive customers that they're being treated by specialists. By pros. In exchange for higher charges.

If someone actually thinks that these unique designations actually reflect their value and nature of their jobs better, I have some suggestions.

Stock traders should be renamed as 'speculator'. And recognizing the Accountant's talent in cooking the book, they should be called 'Chef'.

Why don't we rename PR personnel as 'BS' personnel. And simply, company lawyers as 'Shark'.

And because receptionists direct visitors around the office, we should call them 'Director'.

Luckily they don't talk like this.

They did a better job bringing people in the right direction, compared to an actual director- who we should herein rename as 'Dictator'.

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I love this post, the sarcasm stings!

Yeah today's job title doesnt accurately represent what the person is doing.

But some ppl may feel that they deserve the "Associate" title...just ask people over at Ernst & Young or KPMG...who works daily 12 hours...

zedd, sorry lama tak jengah. huhu. recently, rs mcm sgt malas nak blog walking. hari ni br rajin sket.

btw, how's ur companies zedd? hope, thy're doing good. [hehehe. bajet zedd ada banyak kampeni. :D]

I miss ur entry a lot! But today because of my 'TITLE', I am able to chat and look for your new entry. Well done!As before this I was proud of my title, now I have to realize - it just a word.Sadly,it is word of the liar!

Jenz, thanks. Of course they think they deserved the title- the deception works! But they weren't given the authority nor luxury similar to a real business associate.

Diya, hello there. I do have lots of companies, all ended up in my hand after some tricks on their CEOs..

Mrs.Bean, I see, now with your title, you can abuse your company more. Very good. You now know how to use the title properly.

me singgah singgah jer.. voleee kannns

I really enjoyed reading this article and its really a humorous one. Job title are only for namesake these days, the employees dont really what they ought to do.

I actually like Disney's spin on engineers -- but some of the job titles are just getting ridiculous.

Thanks for this information this is very useful for me and also I am waiting for more information from your side same like this.

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