How To Reduce Office Expenditures

I've been actively preaching that oil prices will drop below $100, but silly me, my 'guru status' failed to shake the future traders to follow suite this time. With the price per barrel is predicted to reach $150 any moment now, it's time to engage in another cost-rationalization exercise.

Heck, the oil price doesn't affect my business significantly, but since I need more money to complete my retreat in the Cayman Island, this is a great excuse to further increase my earnings.

Therefore, I've introduced new measures to improve our operating expenditures.

1. Work at home

Employees will be required to work from home in alternate days, leaving the office free from any electricity usage for the whole day. This way, the cost of electricity and telephone calls are actually shouldered by the employees through their home bills.

2. Partial-nudity

Air-conditioners consume lots of juice. Therefore, employees will be required to dress partially-nude to the office, reducing the air-conditioning needed to keep them chilled. Of course, full nudity is totally forbidden, as they're Not Safe For Work.

Another morning in the lobby

3. PC-Pooling

Just like car-pooling, simultaneous operational computers will be kept at 10%, which requires employees to share their PCs with colleagues.

This means they have to take turn to use the limited number of computers, and since this facility is highly abused by them, it will force employees to only concentrate on finishing their work. It'll take some power off the grid too.

4. Outdoor Meetings

Lights on. People walk in. Greetings. Curtain down. Lights off. Projectors up. People sleep. Projectors off. People awake. Curtains up. Lights on. People leave.

This is how much energy is wasted during regular indoor meetings. Not anymore, as outdoor meetings with whiteboard will eliminate all those energies needed from lightings and projectors. Plus, you can't sleep when it's bright.


Surcharges

To further alleviate the impact of oil prices (in the eyes of my clients) all our business services will be accompanied by fuel surcharges. Apart form this norm, we'll take a step further by introducing other illusionary surcharges related to this oil-price misery:

Morale surcharge- to cover the cost of increasing bonuses to boost up employees morale

Anger surcharge- to cover the emotional cost of dissent

Faking surcharge - to cover the training cost involved in making our employees pretending to be happy serving you in light of their personal misery

*****

Now if you'll excuse me, I've to meet my architect to size up the planned dining hall.

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