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Basic Literature is a corporate satire blog, updated with satirical and humorous commentary on the corporate world, including career advice, management tips, business strategies and marketing tactics.
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How To Steal Money From Loyal Customers

Thursday, August 21, 2008

If you haven't heard about Pareto's 80-20 principle, I'll explain it, simply: 80% of things are contributed by 20% of the group.

The smallest proportion contributes the most

In marketing, most of the time, 80% of sales come from 20% of your customers. Which means, 20% of your customers are loyal customers who will repeatedly purchase your product and contribute up to 80% of your revenue base.

Pareto's Law also means 80% of your customer base are clever enough not to make you richer by more than 20%.


Bringing into perspective, 20% of your customers are dumb enough to keep buying your products. So identify these pathetic lots and keep disorienting their conciousness by implementing some of these steps:

1. Personalized service

They'll be happy if you greet them with their names. They'll feel an 'honest connection' building between your business and their sorry souls if you can address their personal details, their preferences and their previous purchasing records...

...when all you care about is squeezing more money from their banks by investing on advanced CRM software and a little bit of 'because we care' acting.

2. Membership premiums

They'll be happy if you treat them special. Give them glossy plastics named 'Membership Card'. Provide special services to these members. Because they're so naive to think they're treated exclusively...

...when you actually automatically offer the membership to every single customers free of charge. But it'll work because loyal customers are dumb enough to think they're specially selected.

3. Special offers

They'll be happy if you promote a product that might be of their interest. They'll be happy if they get a newsletter highlighting the latest offer based on their previous purchases....

....where in fact all you're trying to do is hard-selling junk products that is a bitch to clear from the shelves. And match the product to those unfortunate loyalists by chances.

4. Customer reward schemes

They'll be happy to admit they're savvy consumers by spending more. Reward their purchase by offering discounts if they purchase more. Tell them "You'll get $100 in discounts if you purchase the next product"....

....where they're so dumb that they will literally translate the statement using only the first 3 words....and act quickly.


*****

These are some elements I used in crafting Customer Loyalty Programs for my clients. Of course there's more, but I think you're the 80% who is smart enough to figure out that I'll be 20% poorer if I divulge my whole 'trade secrets'.


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8 comments:

Dang! & I recalled just reading about this just some months before. Guessed you beat me to the punch in implementing it in daily business.

& it's true I've been having some success with this, working only 20% as hard & reaping 80% of rewards.

Duh,better change my toothpaste now..hehehe..

Those are indeed smart ways to steal loyal customers money!

Yours Truly, this also means that we human like to waste 80% of our time- consciously. BTW, Pareto's law and Customer Loyalty is an established model and not founded by me.

Mrs. Bean, the only thing you shouldn't change is you reading this blog. Thank you.

Marketing Deviant, bear in mind we should steal unloyal customer's money more.

I just want to say that Those are probably good ways to steal loyal customers money. Thanks for sharing this post.

Very nice and important post. Thanks for sharing this post. Keep it up

I am new to internet marketing and your tips are amazing!
Definitely,i am going to use them for my next customers!
Hope they works well!
thank you!

Thank you it is a great support, now to steal money from loyal customers is definitely simple with the help of your tips. Kudos

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