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Basic Literature is a corporate satire blog, updated with satirical and humorous commentary on the corporate world, including career advice, management tips, business strategies and marketing tactics.
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Career Advice for Call Center Executives

Tuesday, July 29, 2008

Oh crap. This past week my ISP have decided to irritate me, everything becomes so slow, my internet speed is measured in light-years.

When I called their customer call center, not surprisingly, my complaints have fallen to deft ears. Just to make myself happy, I told the guy I'm a renowned consultant and I'll share my career advice with him. He concurred to listen.

"Happiness is a distant feeling"

Unlike those advertisements where call center executives are beaming with smiles answering calls, the following fact remains true: customers like me will never call you to sing a praise, to congratulate on a job well done, nor to share our joy for your services.

I will only call to whine, complain, grumble, curse, abuse, and "I want to talk to your manager."

Caption: A scene from heaven

"I will only know you for the wrong reason."

Even you're answering my call using the standard "Hi my name is ......, what can I help you" - if you did a good job to satisfy me, all you have is your sorry hand to pat your back.

Because if callers like me took an effort to remember your name, we will only use it to report your incompetence to your boss. So the most pat will come from your supervisor's hand. And it will be on your forehead.

"I am not the only one you say 'hello' to"

The best thing about consumers like me is that we're full of determination. I'll make a point to solve my problem. And guess what? I call during night-time and weekends.

Because your company will never let the answering machine proves its worth, you'll work in rotating shifts! Say hello to uncertainty, along with any plan with your peers and loved ones. "I'll have to wait for the next roaster to come out" you say with a glimpse of hope. But when it do come out, all you gonna say is "Hello disappointment!"

"Your company love me more than they love you"

Oh yes. So whenever heated arguments take place, you will always be on the receiving end of the blame. I'm the divine, righteous and godly creature. I'm free to curse you anything.

You're wrong, and you will always be. Because I'm the customer. And according to any customer service bible, I'm always right. You're the Satan.

"Your future is bleak"

Call centers are technologically-improved and geographically independent, so more and more 'cost-savvy' companies are outsourcing their services to India, the place with abundant of cheap manpowers who are well-versed in English. So go look for another job.


After I was finished with my advice, the chap on the line paused momentarily. "I hate you, but I'm starting to hate my job even worse" His fake energetic tone had faded.

"That's because my advice is leukemia my son. Yes, the truth can be damaging. In the corporate world, it will always be."

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Outsourcing to India is a futile attempt! It'll just destroy the reputation of a company by making it look cheap. It can be a pain to answer the phone :(

Zeddie...I know that you are frustrated, but kasihan la itu budak...even when your advice is true, the way i see it: people who work in call centres are either ugly-looking, or those who are next in line to be customer service managers.

So please, kasihan a bit lah.... :P

MarketingDeviant, it's too late as India is already considered as a global center for call center outsourcing. A spicy truth indeed.

Jenz Inggo, they're not mutually exclusive. They can be both ugly AND a customer service manager in-waiting. It's easy to offend corporate people nowadays- just tell them the truth.

I dunno, I love to hear an American or Brit accent when I get thru to the other guy. Despite the fact that the other dude is in fact an Indian or from the Philippines.

Of course you like it. They have intensive courses for those executives to fake various accents. Intensive.

Just a round of claps. I liked this post and thought it was funny. Frustrations like those are why I am unemployed now. I figured life is bigger than being yelled at all day. I will never apply to another call center position again.

Keropi, thanks. Life is actually bigger than any work. Let's drop these frustrations and move in with the tribes. Oops, I forgot, they like to yell more..

Good post.
Here I come to know how much you hate we Indians.lolzz
Am a graduate and was looking forward for a career in call center.After reading this post and its comments,I have to reconsider my thoughts.

Thanks for sharing such a funny article!.Work is not everything in life.But not any call center dude!!

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